i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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