the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
