Welp...herpes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
