wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
