you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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