OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
