listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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