my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
