If i come over, it means nothing
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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