She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
