Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
