i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
