The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
