I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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