All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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