The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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