I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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