dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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