I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
