Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
