Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
