if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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