You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
