I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
