My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
