Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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