what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
