i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
