ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
