i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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