Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
