How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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