k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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