i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
