Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
