when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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