Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
