This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
