the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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