Me. At least after what I've been through.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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