better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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