i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
