I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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