I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
