how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
