i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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