He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
