I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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