i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wanna go halves on a baby?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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