official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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