i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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