Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
