this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
