she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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