so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
