Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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